words: Willie G. photo: Alethea Austin
“But can you drive stick?”
“I can learn… if you teach me.”
—Boyz n the Hood [Columbia, ’91]
Yeah, it was mad long ago—but who could forget that sexed-up, innuendo-filled exchange about grinding gears, even if Tre made up the whole damn thing? But hindsight’s 20/20, and while Tisha had some great titties for ’91, there’s something that could have made that daydream a little hotter. If only that rabbit already knew how to work the clutch!
That’s right ladies, contrary to what you may have been told by some chauvinistic short-shifter of a chump from your past, real men dig chicks that drive stick. In fact, not only do we respect the skill set, it’s a faster turn-on than push-button ignition. Why? Well that part’s a bit more complicated—it ain’t straight-forward like miracle bras and stilettos. It’s like, Why do we like white girls in tight-ass white jeans? It’s just another one of them things that’s tough to explain, but we’ll give it a shot anyway. For starts, check the way society portrays you as a female driver: Clueless, distracted and just plain not into the task in your hand. If you ain’t busy feeding your rat-style dog, you’re reapplying your lip liner, blind to the world around ya, right? Lord help you if you’re Asian on top of that! Think we’re exaggerating? How many flicks have been made on badass female drivers? Sure, you got your Thelma & Louise, but even those crazy bitches died in the end—and they still didn’t know dick about the shaft. Now enter the chick whose first definition of “clutch” isn’t an overpriced handbag, the girl who bought her 5-speed not because it was a better deal, but so she could have more fun driving it. Okay, so maybe she’s more America Ferrera than Reese Witherspoon, but her appeal isn’t just skin deep, are we right, gentlemen? Take a look at the little dance her kicks tap out on them pedals, the way her petite hand cradles that thick knob, pushing, pulling and slamming it right where she knows it should be. This isn’t just the girl that’s gonna make your
weekend drive to the beach fun, she’s the unassuming little bundle of dynamite that’s gonna put a tent in your shorts once you start sippin’ thug passions in your parents jacuzzi. And when you rage a little too hard on the sauce at your local watering hole, secretly searching for that unattainable threesome to get down with, she’s the cherub that’s gonna get your drunk-ass (and your car) back to the lab.
So girls, if any of ya out there are ashamed of, or hiding them skills that dad forced
you to learn “just in case,” we’re telling you here and now: Don’t be. You might not have the most fashion-forward wardrobe or D’s that sit up around your collarbones, but baby you got something money can’t buy—talent and technique with the stick-shift…and we know it doesn’t stop there!
